Jordan 13 Counseling - Tips for Talking to Men

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ldn't it be great if you could consistently be understood by your man? No more second guessing about whether he has heard you. It's vital to understand what motivates a man when he is communicating. Many times it's quite the opposite to what the average woman is motivated by during a conversation.,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]
It's many years ago now. My friend and I are looking out over a football field watching a team run through their practice and we're talking. We're talking about women,Jordan Spizike Red and White and Black Valentine B, about our relationships with them. There is laughter expressed,Jordan Cool Greys What to Look for in a Quality Sh, frustration, passion of all sorts and of course many more questions than we ever get the opportunity to find answers to. We finish talking and then leave the field. Now this may seem like the same sort of conversation a couple girlfriends might have. The difference is my friend and I barely make eye contact. Throughout over 80% of the conversation, we both look in the same direction, out onto the football field. We look in the same direction. Two women discussing the same topic would spend the majority of the time looking at each other.
So what. How do these sort of a communication patterns affect a marriage?
Both men and women have different expectations about what the purpose of the conversation is about.
As young men we were having a conversation about a particular topic. We were engaged in an activity. As a result of our conversation our friendship had an opportunity to grow. The growth of our friendship was not the main goal of the conversation but a by-product.
Conversely, two girls or women would have the relationship as the primary goal and the topic being discussed as secondary. The topic is a means to build the relationship. A message is being conveyed between the two ladies that the relationship is the first priority.
As men we judged the value of the conversation first by what is being discussed. Women tend to judge the value of the conversation first by how it's being discussed. This is why the main complaint men have is that women are wasting their time with unimportant information. The main female gripe is that men don't care.
What each gender values most while communicating is a reflection of their primary fear. Men's fear is of being incompetent. Women's is of being alone.
For Women: When communicating with a man you may need to tell him why the information you're sharing is relevant and useful. If he has a sense of this then there is a much greater chance of you getting your primary need met for deeper intimacy. This can enhance the building of the relationship. Men can and will open up emotionally more as a result. They're less likely if they don't see the logic behind the information being shared.
For Men: When communicating with a woman less is often better. If a woman's primary fear is of being alone, there is an antidote. It's for you to listen with no other goal then to hear what she has to say. If she feels heard then you both win. Do less for more success. You don't have to agree with anything she says. What she shares,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you don't have to like it one bit. What she says is probably not a reflection of the job your doing as her mate. What she says may be completely irrelevant to your life. You can feel successful if you can learn to just listen.